Monday, September 16, 2019

The Pilgrimage

"To live with sincerity in our culture of cynicism is a difficult dance — one that comes easily only to the very young and the very old. The rest of us are left to tussle with two polarizing forces ripping the psyche asunder by beckoning to it from opposite directions — critical thinking and hope.
"Critical thinking without hope is cynicism. Hope without critical thinking is naïveté." Maria Popova
I feel completely out of step with the world. I see how good we could be, and struggle with how we are. I hope that tomorrow we'll wake up figure this all out, but then I wonder why in all of these thoughts I use the word "we" and not "I". Am I doing enough?
“Our charge is not to ‘save the world,’ after all; it is to live in it, flawed and fierce, loving and humble.” Courtney Martin
There's beauty in this place. But through time I've learned I can't trust my sight. What I see isn't always real, no matter how real it seemed while I saw it.


We assume that what we see is truth — and that our truths are truer than others' truths. Then we speak to lead others to our truths.
"I can see what they couldn't see but not what I couldn't see." Arlie Hochschild  
I carry an ever-growing need to find the things what I'm wrong about — I fear not seeing the truth that's standing right in front of me.
"The truth knocks on the door and you say, 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth,' and so it goes away. Puzzling.” Robert Pirsig
How has my life been painted by my expectation of it? How much of that expectation was wrong? Where did it even come from? What would life have been like if I saw it and accepted it for what it was instead of how I wanted it to be?

How much of my seeing how good we could be tomorrow is that same very thing? Am I refusing to see the truth standing right in front of me?

Most of my heroes didn't know they were heroes, and that alone is a heroic quality. They're lost themselves, searching for something. I admire people who show me truths I didn't see. Their uncertainty empowers my uncertainty.

Somehow all the big questions in life come down to this:

Is this enough? Am I enough?

Am I hoarding the power I have? Am I doing enough to empower others? Have I really accumulated any power at all? Do I deserve it, or is it some oppressive systemic hand-me-down? How much power should I have?

Then I realize that all the things I most want to tell my daughter and loved ones are really the things I most want to hear myself.

There is a cost of being right with no power. It's a strange notion, to realize that everything I say to others I'm also telling myself.

It's as if right doesn't exist.

And maybe it doesn't.

1 comment:

  1. Found your blog through trying to become a long-distance runner. This latest entry is so beautiful - thanks for sharing your thoughts. I hope you are still writing.

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